A Note To Team Seven
by Chouko Chango
Summary: Team 7, your behaviours during the following events are completely unacceptable and punishments will be issued; we will catch you. You have been warned. A/N: now including Sai and Yamato
1. 1 to 25

I DO NOT OWN NARUTO :( aww

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO :( aww**

**A Note To Team Seven**

Team Seven (or is that Team Kakashi?), you should be ashamed. You are young adults and should know better. God forbid, if you knew better you might be dangerous. Read this list _VERY_ carefully.

1. Sakura, please stop squealing whenever you see Sasuke in public. The public do not like to lose their hearing regularly.

2. Naruto, we unfortunately know what your Sexy Jutsu looks like. So stop trying to use the transformation to pass off as a real person to get you into the bathhouses, locker rooms and other buildings PERIOD! You are getting too many men's hopes up.

3. Also, don't use the Sexy Jutsu in the middle of a meeting with other country representatives. You may not have noticed, but Kazekage Gaara almost speared you in the back of the head last week when he passed out.

4. And don't use the Sexy Jutsu as a scape-goat to sign things you aren't allowed to. ESPECIALLY a subscription to the Make-out series by Jiraiya, you dirty boy.

5. Sasuke, you are freaking out the academy kids when you use the Chidori whenever one looks at you sideways. Please stop.

6. The same goes for your Sharingan.

7. Kakashi, the Make-out series are NOT suitable reading material for children even as old as your team.

8. Sakura, we prefer to not have huge holes in our buildings.

9. The same goes for Naruto and Sasuke. We know the three of you are strong already!

10. A mannequin is not the most durable fuck-buddy. EEW!

11. Naruto and Sasuke, enough with the fights in the hospital. We prefer to have our patients alive and not crushed by rumble.

12. Gaara is not the 'freaky sand whore' that slept his way to Kazekage. Stop spreading the rumour.

13. Even if Jiraiya doesn't admit it, yes he is a pervert, possibly worse. Stop telling it to everyone.  
ESPECIALLY, the council, the ANBU in their locker rooms (talk about hypocrisy), visitors to the village, representatives from other villages and Tsunade-sama. Yes she agrees, but you don't have to put up with the unthinkable things that that reminder brings.

14. Naruto, stop trying to gouge Shino Abrume's eyes just to prove he has none.

15. Sasuke, stop telling Naruto that the Abrume clan have no eyes.

16. Sasuke, stop telling Naruto the Abrume clan use their bugs for their own and other people's pleasure and pain. He might get ideas.

17. Sakura, yes Lee and Gai should have their outfits and eyebrows burnt by some standards. That DOESN'T mean you follow through.

18. Naruto, kissing random villagers will not make them like you more. We don't care if Lee and Gai say it is best, what are you doing listening to them?

19. Kakashi, we don't want to know what your team gets up to when they're horny on missions. And stop telling Jiraiya, he's been stalking them.

20. Kakashi, using chakra strings to force Naruto and Sasuke to 'kiss and make up' is not a good idea. Sakura deafened the village and I thought you would have learned the first three times. Especially since they burnt down your house.

21. Naruto, I thought Sakura beat you bloody enough times to teach you that public urination is bad.

22. Kakashi, selling locks of Sasuke's hair is not making you popular with the girls in a good way.

23. Sasuke, please don't hospitalise Kakashi for provoking your fan girls.

24. Hospitalising the fan girls is NOT a team bonding exercise and helpful in eradicating the annoyance. Don't do it. That means all of you.

25. Sakura, one day Naruto will wise up to the fact that 'stealing Sasuke's first kiss' will not make him pregnant in the long run. He may hit you for it.

**(A/N:) Tell me what you think. Go on. Hit the review button and make someone feel special. XD**

**I got more of these where they came from. Had **_**ME**_** in stitches just making it.**

**I don't have any friends that understand Naruto, so you'll have to be my test dummies. mwuhaha**

**Feel free to give me any suggestions or ideas you may have. **

**RELEASE THE CRAZYNESS & LET THE CHAOS ENSUE!!**


	2. 26 to 50

I DO NOT OWN NARUTO :( aww

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO :( aww**

**A Note To Team Seven**

continued…

26. Just because the Nara clan use shadow-related jutsus, it does not mean you can tell the academy students they are boogie-men that are lazy because they haven't eaten enough children.

27. Sasuke, beating up the jounins may be an admirable goal. But taking advantage of them is totally unacceptable. We may have to remove you from Kakashi's company.

28. Naruto, bashing Neji and using the excuse that he is a prick will NEVER save you.

29. The four of you are forbidden from getting yourselves and Kiba Inuzuka blind drunk and doing inappropriate things in public. We will never think the same about Akamaru and other dogs again.

30. Pushing Chouji Akimichi's brother off Hokage Mountain to see if he can float like a butterfly is a bad idea. You are lucky he's too nice to tell anyone it was you.

31. Sakura, please tell us who you hired to steal all of Sasuke's underwear. We want to put them under protective custody for their safety.

32. Sakura, just because Miss Yamanaka's name means something similar to a pig, does not mean she wants to wake up with a dead one in her bed. We've tried our best to intercept most of the exploding cherry blossoms she sent.

33. Kakashi, could you please find some way to stop your sleepwalking in the streets. We are now forcibly aware of your habit to sleep in your birthday suit.

34. Sasuke, just because you are able to tar and feather a chuunin into artfully looking like a green chicken without their notice, does not mean it is a welcome practice.

35. Sasuke, please tell us where you hid the last green chicken. We know who he is from eye witnesses and we are willing to negotiate with you 'Lord Packrat'.

36. Kakashi, we don't appreciate finding training grounds full of academy students stuck in the ground with only their heads showing. We are quite sure the mothers will hand out enough due punishment when they are informed it was you.

37. The four of you better watch yourself when Jiraiya is stalking you. If you keep assaulting him he might like it.

38. Sakura, a chorus of snores is not something passersby enjoy to hear. But congratulations on putting the whole academy to sleep and making them snore to Beethoven. Tsunade-sama, Kakashi and Naruto were impressed.

39. Now that Gaara is no longer the 'freaky sand whore', he also isn't the Peanut King.

40. Naruto, replacing Tsunade-sama's sake with liquid sugar is now forbidden. If you do not take the hint, I'll show you the surveillance tapes. (TRUST ME, TAKE THE HINT!)

41. Kakashi, just because you have silver hair, does not mean you can force academy students into anything on the basis that you could turn yourself into an ancient zombie at anytime. Or the magical unicorn pimp.

42. Stop calling yourselves the Magical Unicorn Pimp Crew, it is not a good idea. The academy students think you are cool and are now disturbing the villagers.

43. Seducing the council members will get you nowhere. They may kill you if you don't succeed. We don't feel like losing four ninja to the grave.

44. The same goes for Rock ninjas as they now have you in their personal village bingo book.

45. Kakashi, please refrain from telling Jiraiya and other drunks at the bar about how flexible Naruto's shadow clones are. They often tell the rest of the village and we do not want to know.

46. Kakashi, while you bring up a fine point that the Konoha twelve may have interest in Naruto's shadow clone flexibility and many people already know, please stop telling the world at large.

47. Watch the perverted things you may say around Jiraiya. He is becoming a resilient and ANNOYING stalker.

48. Sasuke, stop telling Naruto stories about what Kabuto and Oorchimaru keep in their laboratory. He is giving little kids nightmares.

49. And stop telling Naruto stories about what type of 'perverted favours' Kabuto and Oorchimaru do for each other. He is haunting us with HIS nightmares.

50. Could you please return the bulls that disappeared from the Mizukage's arrival escort, he needs them tomorrow. We DON'T CARE if the bulls stampeded you. They WERE locked in a pen. So who's fault?

**(A/N:) Tell me what you think. Go on. Hit the review button and make someone feel special. XD**

**I got more of these where they came from. Had **_**ME**_** in stitches just making it.**

**I don't have any friends that understand Naruto, so you'll have to be my test dummies. Mwuhaha**

**Feel free to give me any suggestions or ideas you may have. **

**RELEASE THE CRAZYNESS & LET THE CHAOS ENSUE!!**


	3. 51 to 75

I DO NOT OWN NARUTO :( aww

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO :( aww**

**A Note To Team Seven**

continued…

51. We thought you would all know better then to sign ANYTHING with the name of a princess. How mistaken we all were…

52. And then you turn around and start signing in the name of the Hokage. You should be ashamed. We ARE ashamed for trusting you.

53. We never thought Naruto could scream like Sakura when presented with spiders. Stop ambushing him with spiders Sasuke, one screaming banshee is enough.

54. Sakura, you don't scare the council, and they are the ones who decide on due courses of punishment. So attempted murder will not be swept under the rug by trying to intimidate them.

55. Playing 'Slugs, Toads, Snakes' is not a good idea. The bigger the summon, the more destruction.

56. Naruto is banned from buying explosives of any kind. Nor is he to be near any place selling explosives. Did you not realise that one explosive going off near another makes a _BIGGER EXPLOSION_!? And he manages to set off a whole store full!!.

57. Using Lee and Gai's outfits to 'disguise' yourselves as some fabled masked menace is not fooling anyone.

58. Sakura, you ARE allowed to burn any of the previously mentioned outfits that fall into Kakashi and Naruto's possession. ONLY THOSE IN POSSESSION OF NARUTO AND KAKASHI! Refer to number 17.

59. While Sasuke looks very nice in Lee and Gai's outfits, especially when it has been dyed black or navy, those should be burnt when he starts to rebuild the Fabled Masked Menaces and gives outfits to Naruto, Kakashi. And then they somehow convince Sakura to wear a revealing hot pink one

60. Replacing Tenten's weapon scrolls with exploding ones is NOT funny. If you don't want her after you, don't do it.

61. The same goes for replacing Asuma's cigarettes with explosives. We'd imagine that one hurt .

62. The When Tenten or any other girl goes after you because of a prank, does not mean they like you or that you're irresistible.

63. If you ever send Anko on another blind date with Kurenai, they may kill you. Like we said before, we don't want to lose four ninja to the grave.

64. Do you four have a death wish? Playing pranks on Tsunade-sama and getting caught is VERY bad for your health. (At least be smart enough to not get caught).

65. On that thought, maybe Naruto shouldn't ever play pranks on Tsunade-sama.

66. Whoever managed to get Sasuke to smile beyond a smirk should be shot. It is WAY creepy. I think he made Hinata Hyuuga faint.

67. Naruto, just because getting Sasuke to wear vampire fangs makes his smiles less creepy, that does NOT mean anyone advised you to try and permanently attach a pair.

68. Naruto and Sasuke, we are sick of the two of you getting hospitalised due to pranks or retaliation to pranks. The hospital needs to be on call for more important emergencies.

69. Sakura, we're sure you'll be pleased to know you are given full permission to forcibly teach them a lesson in any means you wish.

70. Being paid by Jiraiya to make a book filled with revealing pictures of every ninja in the village is not justifiable cause. It will be bad for your health when every ninja in Konoha is after you.

71. While your association with Jiraiya often results in amusing events, it is inappropriate and often disturbing.

72. We cannot prevent Jiraiya from associating with whomever he likes, but keep your antics anyway from the young, innocent, impressionable children.

73. 'The younger they're scarred the less likely they will rage about it' is not a good philosophy, especially concerning a graphic version of the birds and the bees. NASTY!

74. Just because Naruto and Sasuke were taught about the birds and the bees by Kakashi, Jiraiya and Oorchimaru, does not mean anyone wants to be taught in the same disturbing manner. STAY AWAY FROM THE ORPHANS! They don't have parents to teach them.

75. The four of you are banned from talking to children younger than academy students. That does NOT mean you can greet the new-comers on their first day.

**(A/N:) Tell me what you think. Go on. Hit the review button and make someone feel special. XD**

**I got more of these where they came from. Had **_**ME**_** in stitches just making it.**

**I don't have any friends that understand Naruto, so you'll have to be my test dummies. Mwuhaha**

**OMG. I got reviews! (insert fangirl squeal here) **

**:P hahahahaha. i'm crazy**

**Feel free to give me any suggestions or ideas you may have. **

**RELEASE THE CRAZYNESS & LET THE CHAOS ENSUE!!**


	4. 76 to 100

I DO NOT OWN NARUTO :( aww

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO :( aww**

**A Note To Team Seven**

continued…

76. Kyuubi is a fox, his version of the bird and bees is not the same so stop asking him questions Naruto.

77. Humans don't go into heat. Sasuke doesn't go into heat either.

78. Trying to remove Kuernai's outfit to see if it is only paper is VERY unwise. You're lucky she was unconscious when you tried. She went on a rampage when she was later told. So watch your backs.

79. If you do not like a client because they are a 'prick', does not mean you can dangle them upside down from the Hokage Monument to 'shake it out of them'. We will not be paying you for similarly failed missions.

80. Painting your teams' faces over the Hokage's on the Hokage Monument is not witty, no matter how artistic. And you wonder how we found out it was you?

81. Painting the faces of other teams over the Hokage monument and then letting Naruto sign the 'artwork' was very stupid. Or did you not know?

82. Shouting "I have a furby to care for, don't kill me" in the middle of a fight with enemy nin is not smart. Doesn't matter if it works or not.

83. Playing 'shot poker' is now banned. And that is only because it turns into 'public strip poker' followed by nudie runs.

84. NEVER give alcohol to Gai or Lee again. They are hyper-active enough and when they go on nudie runs, it is a lot more disturbing.

85. It is common knowledge that Snow country has snow. Even if Lee and Gai may not know this, that does not mean you can bribe them with anything (especially alcohol) to take the 'mission' off your hands _of going to check for snow_.

86. You are not to give energy drinks to Shikamaru Nara, no matter how beneficial it may seem to be for the village.

87. You are not to ride Chouji Akimichi like a 'goat', as you said it, while he is under a genjutsu, believing he is chasing barbeque wings.

88. Insect repellent is NOT a suitable gift for an Abrume.

89. Neither is a fly swatter.

90. Do not hide flea collars on either an Inuzuka or Abrume. And the chaos that ensues is not fun.

91. 'Deer chasing or Deer wrestling or Deer rodeos' do not make you popular with the Nara clan.

92. Naruto, stop announcing that the Yamanakas need to put more 'shit' on their flowers beds. We prefer the term 'fertiliser'.

93. Kakashi, the next time you decide to initiate a blonde joke contest, don't invite a blonde or tell the jokes to Tsunade-sama.

94. But if you do, try finding someone else to help reset your bones. Tsunade-sama will kill the unfortunate sucker who helps you.

95. None of you have the authority to fire or banish a jounin. Konoha doesn't do that anyway. We prefer honourable discharge or execution. And no, you have no authority to perform either task.

96. Nor can you 'de-throne' a past or present kage.

97. There will be no executions not under Tsunade-sama's command. And henging into her will not work either.

98. No one has yet been able to identify the language in which your last three weeks worth of mission reports were written in. We don't care if you have to write it in blood, but ninja short-hand or Japanese are the only 'languages' we accept. REPORT TO THE MISSION ROOM FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS TO RE-WRITE _EVERY SINGLE ONE_.

99. There will be no 'sacrificing pigs to write the holy mission report'.

100. That includes sacrificing Ino Yamanaka.

… … …

Omake from Siegfried Knighthawk :

"Naruto-baka this is all your fault," screeched one Sakura Haruno, "Now we have to write all those reports again!"

"But Sakura-chan how was I to know that they couldn't read or translate Klingon?"

… … …

**(A/N:) Tell me what you think. Go on. Hit the review button and make someone feel special. XD**

**I got more of these where they came from. Had **_**ME**_** in stitches just making it.**

**OMG. I got reviews! (insert fangirl squeal here). :P hahahahaha. **

**Feel free to give me any suggestions or ideas you may have. **

**RELEASE THE CRAZYNESS & LET THE CHAOS ENSUE!**


	5. 101 to 125

**I DO NOT OWN NARUTO :( aww**

**A Note To Team Seven**

continued…

101. Sake is not an essential item to have in your survival packs.

102. Nor is it to be supplied to the academy students.

103. Video taping the drunken academy students will get you in a world's of trouble. REFER TO RULE 102.

104. We WILL NOT be having pig roast at the next festival. And if you kidnap Ton Ton again, you will be killed.

105. NO, you are not allowed to build a silver mine in Hokage Mountain.

106. We don't care if Naruto got a really reliable tip or not. The informant may have been an enemy-nin, did you ever think of that!?

107. Daring Rock Lee to run laps around the village until he bleeds is not a wise move.

108. Moving on to making it a betting pool on how many hundreds of laps it will take is not what we had in mind. And don't you dare tell him it's a youthful test of endurance.

109. Naruto, do not teach the academy students your sexy jutsu. We've already had three complaints from parents… and twenty-one from other villagers.

110. Sasuke is not a vampire. And he should also not inform young children that he is one. They were frightened enough to begin with.

111. He also doesn't have a harem of banshees. At least, we hope not. And screaming fan girls DO NOT count.

112. We have been informed that if Naruto buys Sasuke a coffin for his birthday he will get a chidori in the back.

113. Naruto, no one will listen when you announce that all vampires need a place to sleep, so therefore you think Sasuke MUST get a coffin.

114. Naruto is not to be used for a safety flare. Everyone was a little fearful when Naruto flew through the air screaming, and it was only for what possible damage that stunt could have caused.

115. We advise you boys (Kakashi included) to not refer to Sakura as Bubblegum Head or a stick-of-fairy-floss on legs. Actually, we will warn the whole village about this particular one.

116. The second Wednesday of each month is NOT a national peach day. The next one celebrated with see the four of you cleaning all the peaches off the buildings, or else Tsunade-sama would personally like to shove each pit down your throats.

117. If you hide Tsunade-sama's sake again, you will not live to regret it. And neither will the rest of us.

118. Bug-zappers are not appropriate as decorations at Shino Abrume's birthday party. Or the party of any other Abrume.

119. Neji Hyuuga is not a girl in disguise. And if you get him drunk enough (and I mean, absolutely blind) he will prove it.

120. Don't get Neji Hyuuga drunk again.

121. Sakura, the next time Naruto pisses you off, aim at his head, not the closest building. Naruto can self-heal… the buildings can't.

122. Naruto and Sasuke, please refrain from using Chidori and Rasengan when sparring in the forest. The next time we want land cleared we will go to you first, but we do like our forests actually standing.

123. Kakashi, you cannot assign yourself a fake mission in where you help Jiraiya with his 'research'.

124. Neither can you Naruto.

125. Sakura, you cannot assign yourself a fake mission that entails helping Sasuke shop for underwear. Sasuke would make sure you fail… painfully.

- - - -

**(A/N:) Tell me what you think. Go on. Hit the review button and make someone feel special. XD**

_**sorry it's been so long… BIIIIG writer's block.**_

_**Thanks to all the people who like this story enough to have it as a **__**favourite**__**, story alert or review to it. **_

**Feel free to give me any suggestions or ideas you may have. **

**RELEASE THE CRAZYNESS & LET THE CHAOS ENSUE!!**


	6. 126 to 150

I DON'T OWN NARUTO. How sad.

**A Note to Team Seven**

continued…

126. You have all been warned about the hospital. You will raise money to pay for fixing the Naruto-shaped hole in the wall. Those who complain with have a Tsunade-sized fist-hole in their head.

127. You are not to sell mudcake pies at Bake Sales made of actual mud.

128. Chilli, exploding, fireball and rock flavoured are also not allowed.

129. No more Bake Sales. We don't care how many people testify or complain that the one with the naked lady inside was only for display.

130. You cannot doorknock to swindle people into paying for alien/robot invasion insurance.

131. There is no such thing as a condom bush.

132. You cannot tell Lee and Gai that it is the secret to all youthfulness. ESPECIALLY if it makes sense.

133. We do not want to see Sasuke running around the streets yelling "ALL HAIL BATMAN" wearing

nothing but a yellow shirt as pants. What were you on!

134. We do not want to 'score' some of what you were on.

135. Kakashi is NOT Batman. And we DO NOT want to hear how he got the nickname.

136. Dog-charming does not involve sirens. Sirens do involve rabid Inuzukas chasing you.

137. Lightning will not suck out your soul. It is now your job to convince Rock Lee and Gai that you were lying… don't complain either.

138. No pole dancing.

139. No Jiraiya-dancing either.

140. Kakashi's 'switch-knifes' are now prohibited in Konoha. You are to report to the hospital, we need a cure for the bites from the snake model.

141. Yes, toads don't have teeth; that does not mean you can feed children to them.

142. Do not spike people's food with sleeping pills AND laxatives.

143. Don't do it to Naruto.

144. The next time Tsunade-sama announces "… when pigs fly" you are not to launch Miss Yamanaka out of a cannon. If she agreed, then she was high.

145. Stag Nights should not ever involve the Nara Clan deer. Unless you are a Nara.

146. Sasuke is not allowed to have anything do with a Hens Night. Refer to 34 and 35.

147. The bluebird of happiness does not exist. Neji Hyuuga was NOT shat on by it.

148. Naruto, you do not have an Italian accent. I very much-a wanta kick-a your ass.

149. YOU WILL NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES post anymore sign up lists at the academy for field trips to the Akatsuki Hideout.

150. No fishing trips there either.

**A/N: I'm sorry it took so long, I disappointed myself there. But please review.**

**More suggestions are welcome; even just two random objects and a character gets the creative juices flowing.**

**ENJOY!**


	7. 151 to 175

I DON'T OWN NARUTO. How sad. But I hope you like anyway.

**A Note to Team Seven**

continued…

151. There is not an Annual Kicking-Akatsuki-Members Day. Are you suicidal?

152. There is to be NO public bathing.

153. Calling it 'public skinning dipping' is no better.

154. Fairy bread is not an alien race trying to turn humans into bouncing lemons. How did that make sense in your heads?

155. Sasuke, you are not allergic to smiling. So do not beat Naruto senseless every time he smiles at you.

156. Stop trying to force-feed Kakashi jam donuts to fulfil your desire to roll him off Hokage Mountain and watch him bounce.

157. Sasuke will not turn into a tomato by eating a tonne of tomatoes. You can't roll him off Hokage Mountain either.

158. Hinata Hyuuga does not need a self-help group to conquer her fear of eye contact. There is no such intervention.

159. Stapling a steak to academy students butts and throwing them into a pack of dogs is NOT ACCEPTABLE. We do NOT find it beneficial to their speed and endurance!

160. You are not to dunk Sakura into a giant tub of hair gel if you know what's good for you. It won't stop her 'bits from bouncing' as you put it.

161. 'Sakura Haruno Brand' Hair Gel is forbidden to be sold in Konoha.

162. It is not jelly either! Tastes nothing like it.

163. Restaurants are not appropriate places for rat racing. Especially giant rats.

164. YOU are to remove the shuriken electrode from Anko's ass. It zaps her and anyone else at the slightest touch. We are not stupid, we know it was you four.

165. Kakashi, you are not allowed anywhere near the maternity department to watch 'the miracle of birth'. You are super creepy.

166. You are not to take your team with you. Naruto fainted and Sasuke was violently ill for three days. Though I don't think your goal was to swear them all off sex.

167. Spraying Grass nin with insect repellent is not advisable. They do not need protection from aphids, but you WILL need protection from them if you do it again.

168. Gaara is not the 'Tomato Emo'. The next time you call him by that we will not take you to the hospital; you're not allowed there anyway.

169. Helium is not to be sold as a black market drug. Who cares that it feels as good as a drug?

170. Oorchimaru does not belong in the Book of the World's Snakes. Do not deface the books in that way.

171. There will be no more 'yo momma' jokes. Kiba Inuzuka's mother has you on her list.

172. Iruka is not to be used as a dart board. Conscious or not.

173. You are not to ambush travellers at the village gates and spray them with holy water.

174. Naruto is not a priest. You cannot perform marriages or baptise babies in chocolate.

175. You cannot fundraise for your church choir group because you are not a church choir group. And you can't sing to save your lives.

…

**A/N: The first ever time I finished a whole chapter in one night, so I hope it's not too sucky. lol. Please review.**

**Thanks to everyone who have given suggestions thus far.**

**More suggestions are welcome; even just two random objects and a character gets the creative juices flowing.**

**ENJOY!**


	8. 176 to 200

I DON'T OWN NARUTO. Anyone who knows me would know I can only count to ten in Japanese AND THAT'S IT, so I would obviously have no part in Naruto ownership whatsoever.

**A Note to Team Seven**

continued…

176. None of you are to film Sasuke singing in the shower. It makes him chase you through the streets in nothing but a towel and may start a riot. We don't care if he sounds like Susan Boyle.

177. Don't give helium to Sasuke. Rein-acting Alvin and the Chipmunks is scary the first time and only funny the first twenty times.

178. It is not your duty to surprise foreign ninja when they walk in the village gates. That includes smoke bombs or torrents of water.

179. You are not to dive bomb the Suna delegates with paint. And no, they do not all want to look like Kankuro too.

180. You must return Temari's fan to her. Then you should run like hell before she gets you.

181. Whichever one of you is dressing up like a ghost and haunting Naruto is to cease doing so. You may think it's funny to see him in a blubbering mess, but no one else does.

182. Naruto, let Sasuke down from the Nidaime's nose. He's been hanging upside down in your trap for three days now and no one knows how you got up there, so we don't know how to get him down.

183. Stop putting 'kick me' signs on unsuspecting civilians to then unleash academy students on them.

184. No 'kick me' signs on the Hyuugas either. It is not training and they get very touchy about their blind spots.

185. Sakura's underwear are not to be used for sling shots. ESPECIALLY if she is still wearing them.

186. The ANBU Interrogation Headquarters is not to be painted pink and covered in glitter.

187. Kakashi, you should not tell our students where the ANBU Interrogation Headquarters are.

188. Katon jutsu do not work in cleaning off the paint and glitter. The glitter caught fire, the paint though is fireproof.

190. You are not to sell ANBU masks to travellers. How did you even manage to steal them? Give them back.

191. The ANBU are not amused, give them back their ACTUAL MASKS. No one was fooled by the ones you returned made from monkey hide.

192. Naruto, you do not pass for an ANBU with your 'boob' mask. Your sexy jutsu does not make it more believable.

193. Sakura, do not use your medical ninjutsu to give Naruto explosive diarrhoea when he insults you.

194. You also are not to tweak Kakashi's nervous system so that he twitches like he's doing the Macarena while standing on nails.

195. You cannot hold Shikamaru's chuunin vest for ransom. He doesn't care anyway.

196. Don't hold Shino's sunglasses for ransom. He might feed you to his hive.

197. You are not to hoist Konohamaru up the flag pole by his scarf.

198. The genin Udon is not to be boiled and put in a giant pot of ramen. At least ask his sensei for permission first, he has a mission next week.

199. Sakura is not to sing 'I wanna see your peacock' to Sasuke. Nor is she to insinuate it.

200. The rest of the team is banned from this song too. No one cares about your interpretive dance to it. Gai and Lee may be the only ones appreciative of your efforts. Don't teach it to Gai, Lee or Jiraiya.

…

**A/N: I know it's been a while. I made a list of ideas then lost it, and writer's block was only one obstacle. Uni and a new job took a bit of my time, but I am currently off from both, so if I manage to wake up before midday I normally get some writing done. **

**Thanks to everyone who have given suggestions thus far.**

**More suggestions are welcome; even just two random objects and a character gets the creative juices flowing.**

**ENJOY!**


	9. 201 to 225 now including Sai & Yamato

I DON'T OWN NARUTO. How sad. But if I did, I'd want Sasuke's hair to look better in Shippuden and the ass-bow would go. (I don't know why that stands out in my mind)

**A Note to Team Seven**

continued…

PLEASE NOTE: This list is now to include Sai and Yamato (how two ANBU managed to get corrupted by you is beyond comprehension). Any previous points are also to include Sai and Yamato.

201. Naruto, stop referring to Sasuke as your 'hommie'.

202. DO NOT involve yourselves with Gai and Lee's attempts at piggy-back racing. Gai carrying Kakashi all the way home from Suna is the only excusable event.

203. Tonton and Ino are not to be involved in piggy-back racing.

204. Naruto, you are not to ride Akamaru. It was not a good idea when he was small, and now he is big enough to EAT YOU.

205. This team is to report to the head medic at reception IMMEDIATELY BEFORE AND AFTER visiting Kakashi while he is in hospital. It may have been over two years since the last debacle, but you are not yet forgiven.

206. Jiraiya is not given permission to escort you in the hospital; he is barely allowed there himself.

207. Sakura is not to blackmail Kankuro of the Sand with pictures of his face without paint. You are on his list.

208. Naruto, stop teaching Konohamaru your perverted jutsus when he should be learning from his sensei. He then uses them on Ebisu and he's been hospitalised twice. Konohamaru has been hospitalised four times.

209. Kakashi, do not flirt with the nurses while in hospital. While anyone who knows him knows this means he's getting better, if Tsunade catches you you'll wish you were left in the Suna desert.

210. Yamato is not to be referred to as a 'baby-face'. Yes, he has big eyes, but that's not the point.

211. Sai, don't start anymore fights in the street.

212. You are allowed to start fights with hostile enemy ninja. (Sigh)

213. Naruto and Sakura, you cannot put a bounty on Orochimaru because he solicited a minor (Sasuke) to his residence and is using him as a hooker. You have no evidence other than the testimony that Sai thinks he looks like a hooker; says the boys who doesn't understand facial expression and has probably never laid eyes on a hooker.

214. Sasuke is not trying to bring back the MC Hammer parachute pants, and do you really believe he will shuffle as he flees the scene?

215. Yamato is not to be called 'woody'.

216. No Sai, we do not want to hear any insinuation about 'woody' referring to parts of Yamato's anatomy. Naruto and Sakura are not to enlighten Sai as to the meaning of 'morning wood'. NO ONE is to greet him like that either.

217. Naruto, you cannot pass off farting as practicing your wind element. Get some manners.

218. Sakura, you are not to hire Anko to try and 'out-perv' Naruto. Or Genma.

219. Sai, NEVER AGAIN dump ink in Sakura's hair. You may think it can help to conceal herself better, but she will disagree. That stuff is going to take a bucket load of Floral Green to get out. Next time, RUN!

220. Yamato, don't separate Sakura and Naruto with wood-prisms the next time they fight. They tend to go overboard when someone interrupts their fights and we don't want to see wood flying everywhere when they get mad at you.

221. Sakura, you are not 'Queen of the Desert' just because you are the only one to walk away from the battle with Sasori. Temari will bitch slap you for that title.

222. Naruto, don't tease Neji about his clothes, no matter how girly; he may cry. But if Sai does, he'll try to gentle fist that smile to the other side of his face.

223. Kabuto will not be nominated for Shinobi of the Year for his accomplishments of being triple agent to Konoha, Akatsuki and Orochimaru. He did this all years ago, he is not eligible for this year's title even though this was only uncovered this year.

224. Do not tell Sai to hug Lee and Gai. He'll be smothered.

225. You cannot use Kakashi's mangekyou sharingan to make your mission reports disappear. You still have to write them.

…

**A/N: Only two days to write this one. YAY! **

**I didn't have Sai and Yamato/Tenzou in previously because I wrote the first seven chapters before I started watching Shippuden at all.**

**I'm feeling like I could do better… if someone could give me some prompts for this I'd love the input.**


	10. 226 to 250

I DON'T OWN NARUTO – (The Haiku)

_Naruto_

_Thou never be mine_

_For crazy ruins great things_

_Aren't you glad!_

… … …

**A Note to Team Seven**

continued…

226. Naruto, you are not to assassinate the rival ramen vendors of Ichiraku in this village or any other.

227. You are not to steal Tenten's weapon scrolls and play piggy-in-the-middle with your kage bunshin as she tries to get them back.

228. Sakura, you are not to ambush Ino, throw her in a sack and serve her up as pigs-in-blankets. You are then not to serve her up to Sasuke's snake summons for lunch.

229. Don't play patt-a-cake on Chouji's stomach unless you are prepared to run for your life.

230. Don't steal Genma Shiranui's senbon and stick it on the Hokage's chair. They will both be mad at you.

231. Don't steal Asuma's cigarettes and make a 'small' bonfire on Tsunade's chair.

232. All of you are not to booby-trap every door in the Academy to dump custard on anyone who opens them. What are you even doing there!

233. The Nine-Tail's Cloak is not Naruto's 'rage beacon'.

234. He is not powering up his Power Ranger suit either. Don't give him any ideas.

235. 'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts' is not to be sung in the presence of Tsunade. Or Anko. Tsunade will hit you, and you do not want to know about Anko.

236. For the love of all that is holy, DON'T talk to Sai about the song.

237. Asuma is not Obi Wan. He does not possess the force, 'the fork', or a lightsaber.

238. Naruto, you are not to challenge Sora to a fight to the death to decide which one of you shall earn the title of Luke Skywalker. Neither of you ever will be.

239. Don't tease Chouji with food. He may not be able to hold chopsticks, but it was his hands that were burned, not his feet; so he can still kick your ass.

240. You are not to put a tracking device on Kakashi so you can keep an eye on him. You're actually stalking him aren't you?

241. Kakashi is not going senile and 'therefore you are only concerned for his safety', we don't believe you and he's only thirty. If anyone's going senile it's Jiraiya.

242. Yamato, don't drag Naruto around by his necklace when he doesn't listen. A swift smack to the head should do fine; as opposed to him being almost strangled and losing more brain cells, of course.

243. Don't feed Kiba dog food. Just because he didn't notice does not make it okay.

244. Sai, don't strap Naruto to a windmill so he can get in touch with his Wind Nature. We already guessed that it was Lee's idea, and we don't care. If Lee gives you anymore advice, check with Sakura first if it is okay.

245. Yes Sakura, you should answer Sai's questions. You were chosen because we thought you would be mature about it and be the voice of reason, but if you're going to complain… you could always be doing D-ranked missions for the next month.

246. Naruto, don't give Sai the Icha Icha series and tell him he should go talk to Sakura about his questions. She was mortified, and we all know how she can get in situations like that. The next time you do it we will tell her it was your idea. (Wear a hard hat.)

247. While Sakura is doing her sentence… I mean D-rank missions… Yamato is to fill in as the one who keeps the rest of us from attempting to kill Sai. You're an ANBU and he's only asking questions a child would ask, so suck it up you big wuss.

248. Naruto, do you need to be reminded of the rule about attacking civilians? WE KNOW you haven't attacked anyone, WE KNOW you wouldn't hit a lady and WE KNOW that Kakashi had to sit on you when things got too heated at Ichiraku's (we have the photographic proof, as does the rest of the village). However, WE DO NOT CARE that Ayame started it with a ladle, we only care that she whooped your ass.

249. Naruto, you are not to punish Konohamaru, Moegi and Udon for selling the photos of Kakashi and the ramen lady beating on you. Their sensei will punish them, so please let them out of the Forest of Death; we're sure they've wet their pants thoroughly enough.

250. Sakura and Sai are not to have mud-ball fights in the streets. We do not care if either or both of you are trying to educate the other on the taste of mud in relation to Sakura's food pills. Everyone has had enough, and if either of you are seen with mud of any sort within a hundred foot radius of a restaurant again… well, Tsunade-sama and the local vendors will not be restrained.

… … …

**Please review, tell me what you think. **

**Again, prompts will be much appreciated… it helps to make me think better. **

**And anyone wondering about 'the fork', see David Strassman; that's his but never gets old. HAHA.**


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